Food, the last accepted addiction

Trying again with another lifestyle change. Food is necessary and for most of us, it is a pleasurable part of our lives. For some, such as me, it consumes the better part of my thinking every day. After breakfast, I immediately think about what I am going to have for lunch and then dinner. Most normal people won’t understand this and don’t give their next meal (or snack) another thought until the time comes for that meal. There may be some who think, “Wow, I thought I was the only one who was like that!” referring to the almost obsessive thinking about food. I love food, however the sway that it holds over me is something that I battle every day and I hope over the next period in my life that I can learn to control it a bit better and make some permanent changes in my eating and exercising habits. 

Emotional eating, bored eating, call it what you will but I have started to be very aware of my state of mind when I am looking in the cupboard or refrigerator lately and I don’t really like what I am seeing in myself. I eat when I am happy, I really eat when I am sad or upset, emotions seem to drive my over indulgences more than anything else. I guess realizing that emotions are my trigger is the first step in being able to control the problem. 

Stay tuned, I hope to be more regular to update you all on my progress. Let me know how you struggle and what you do to combat those urges to eat unhealthy or overindulge. 

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Missing Tony

This week has been somewhat difficult, what with two major projects due next week for school, the hubby gone, as well as hormones raging (or not as sometimes the case may be). Thankfully he will only be gone for a week this time.I have come to realize in the short time of being married again how much I really lean on my husband. Although we have been together for the better part of 7 years, our marriage has been short as we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Being in this relationship has taught me many things. First that there really CAN be a partnership in life with your spouse, that you CAN rely on someone to be there and not because there is something in it for them. Second, that you can actually get to a point where the mistrust from the first relationship is slowly being replaced by the ability to lean on someone and know that they truly want what is best for the family not what is just best for them. Selfless devotion and love is being shown on a daily basis. I sometimes wake up with an ache that I have never experienced because i miss him and truly love to spend time with him. God knew that he was the one for me and I am blessed every day that I call him  husband and partner. I love you Tony.

Adoption

I am the product of an unplanned pregnancy. I was extremely blessed to have grown up knowing love and unconditional acceptance. There are some who this is not the case and are forever searching for meaning and their “real” parents. Birth parents from my era never imagined that they would be searched out and found. Some are happy, some are not. I unlike many others, have no desire to disrupt either my life or theirs. They had their reasons for being unable to be parents at the the age of 19, I neither need or want to know at this point. My parents live in Tipp City, Ohio and I am forever their child.

Some of you know that I recently became a grandmother again, my daughter did not feel that she was capable of giving her daughter the the life that she deserved. My granddaughter was lovingly placed with an adoptive family who are more than willing to share her life with us and for that, I am extremely grateful. We are only beginning to know the adoptive parents (although Mom was familiar to us, just not very well to me) and what has come through are some wonderful, open people who we are blessed to have in our lives. God has given me and many others peace about the adoption and we fully support the decision that has been made.

Some in certain circles have attempted to cause trouble and problems by involving those that need not have any involvement. They have even gone so far as to try to involve certain organizations that have no business being involved in our personal family business. So, to that end, they have been cut off from my life and probably soon from others that I love as well. Actions will sometimes have the opposite effect of what one intends and unfortunately the hurt and outcomes from this whole situation is going to come full circle. 

I am sure that somehow I will be blamed, accused, and colorful names for me will be thrown around. Just know that I am forgiven and I do not live in the past. I am the only one responsible for me and I will let God be the final judge of my actions. 

Content

Wow. It has been over a month since I posted. I guess I am not very good at this blog things but I promise to try and make it up to you, my readers albeit the few.

Life has been busy around here. We finally were able to get into our new house after the old owners stayed 21 days past their contract date to be out. When we got the keys, the house was a pigsty and it took us awhile to get it cleaned and at least somewhat habitable. We are still in the process of settling in and there is much to do outside when the weather is warmer and more hospitable.

Some of you know about my daughter who is pregnant with my second grandchild, a little girl, and she is due March 16th. This has not been an easy road for her and some decisions that she has made are not very popular with some members of the family.  She is really not in a position to be a mother right now and after this, she may never have another child. Throughout this time I have tried to be as supportive as I can with everything that she is going through and after everything she has told me that she has decided to give the baby up for adoption. This decision was not an easy nor was it a quick one either. Her feelings are in disarray most of the time because of the hormones but I think deep down she feels that this is the best thing for her baby. Initially, my husband and I offered to take it and she was leaning heavily in that direction. Then, her sister (my older daughter) had her talk to a lovely couple who we knew several years ago that had been looking into adoption to start their own family. That couple has been down a lengthy painful road while trying to conceive and had started the process with several birth mothers only to have their hearts broken in the end. True to form, my daughter has done some waffling back and forth due mostly to the pregnancy hormones, but she has firmly decided at this point that adoption is the best route to take. I cannot say that I am entirely pleased with this decision as she is my granddaughter BUT (and that is a big BUT), I believe that for the first time in a long time that my daughter is making that decision with the baby’s best interests at heart. She is not only bringing joy and happiness to someone else but she is doing it entirely for unselfish reasons. For that…..I am bursting with pride. I love you daughter of mine!

Frustration

First off, I want to applaud the many wonderful teachers, administrators and others who work in our public school systems. However my level of frustration at the current school where my first grader attends is rising now above the boiling point. Starting in kindergarten, the teacher was telling me I should be “concerned” about his academic progress. No reason why, just that if he were her child she would be concerned, no advice as to what to do, what steps to take, etc.

Fast forward to first grade, some concerns raised about his reading at the fall conference, we need to read with him more at home and make sure he is practicing his sight words, which we had been doing all along. It was insinuated that he wasn’t being put to bed on time and he was not being fed a proper breakfast and we were not working with him on a daily basis. Again, NO specific reason as to why we should be concerned or what they felt was wrong just that he is struggling with reading (what first grader doesn’t?). 

Now, after Christmas break I get a phone call from his current teacher saying I need to take him to the doctor and get him tested. For what?  I ask, no answer given, just that I need to get him tested. He is having trouble reading although he knows all of the sight words he needs to know at this point and he is still working on pronouncing the words correctly they want him to be able to understand what he is reading. I cannot even begin to vent my irritation at the whole system that wants me to schedule a doctor’s appointment and won’t give me a reason why I need to have him go. 

Where do you draw the line at normal 6 year old boy learning issues and a real serious developmental delay? I sincerely feel that it is a way for the school to get extra money because they will have another kid on an IEP that does not need to be on one. Ugh.

Wow.

Devastated. Shocked. Overwhelming grief. Just a few of the things that have been floating across my emotional sea the past couple of days. All of the news feeds, pictures, poems, prayers, and now the names. Faces and names to innocent lives lost due to a senseless act of someone deeply troubled and unable to cope with life. Guns are not to blame, video games are not to blame, bad upbringing is not to blame. Our country allowing the voices of the minority to usurp the will of the majority and we as the praying people stood back and let it happen. It is time to take back our country with prayer, on our knees, humbled before an Almighty God. We as a nation need to repent and pray ourselves before hurling accusations at this group or that group. Our selfishness as a country has allowed us to ignore those that need our help like the parents of these that would commit these acts of unrivaled violence. 

My heart aches for all of those family members that will never have  that loved one come home ever again and my own children will be hugged a little tighter and longer. I will strive to let those that are in my life that mean something to me how I feel, even if it is embarrassing to them. 

God help us all.

Crazy week

Well, a lot happened last week some good, some bad, most I cannot share publicly. Work was crazy busy all week, especially since we have been so short staffed although we are managing. Found out first that our department is going to be lumped with another department’s new supervisor, that sure was a surprise. It would have been nice if we would have been notified rather than finding out from the job description.

After finding out this news, I am informed that the lovely little sewing store that I was working for, suddenly closed without notice. I am not really surprised but still taken off guard to actually hear the news. Too bad to, as I am still owed for work done which I will probably never recoup. Oh well, lesson learned.

Later on that day, my daughter tells me that she is keeping her baby rather than give it up for adoption. I greeted this news with a hesitant heart, glad that I will be a regular part of the baby’s life, yet heartbroken for the potential adoptive parents. I only want what is best for the child and I am at peace no matter how this ends.

In other news, we could be getting the keys to our new house this week which makes us excited for the potential to be in by Christmas time. I am not holding my breath but remaining hopeful.

Class is winding down and finals are this week, while I am glad for the experiences school allows me, I am glad it is over for the time being. Only one more term and I will be able to graduate! Excited about this prospect and I am anxiously awaiting what doors might open after I have my degree.

Enough rambling tonight, back again later on in the week.